I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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