Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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