At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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