my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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