i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
