God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
