Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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