he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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