I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
