I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
