I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
