my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
