I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
