I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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