Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
