I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
