the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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