meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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