k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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