She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
