i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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