Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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