party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
