my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
