I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
