Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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