he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
