he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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