Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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