a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
