I think scott just propositioned me for sex
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize