Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
