I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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