Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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