My liver just broke up with me...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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