i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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