You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
