i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize