you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
