Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
