I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize