I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
