This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
