I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
