Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
