Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
