I am in a vortex of obligation.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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