It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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