I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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