I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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