A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
