dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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