Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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