My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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