My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
