This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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