Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
