Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
