so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
