I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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