Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
