after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
