butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
