I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
being pregnant is like rehab
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
