If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
