we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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