Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
