I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
