im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
