Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize