did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
