New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
