yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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