Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize