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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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